While I had a great time at DragonCon this year, it still felt like a bust for me. I sat behind a table for four days with Jetse de Vries (popular editor of the British zine Interzone). Thousands of people passed by our table. Many smiled. Even more stopped to read and get a nice laugh from the Apex Global Domination mug.

But nobody bought a damn thing. 40,000 people and I make $100 bucks. Jetse didn't do much better.

On the positive...I got to hang out and talk business and science fiction with Jetse de Vries. He's a walking encyclopedia of science fiction knowledge who wields some sharp editing skills. He's also a fan of Apex and we talked about some of my story choices. He made special mention of Steve Parker's infamous fish baby story, "Starfish." 

Friday night, I had dinner with cmpriest and her husband Eric. I love Cherie Priest. You want a fun panel to attend, go see hers. You want an exciting dinner, then have one with Cherie. I now have an idea of why Cherie is such a talented and prolific writer. Her brain operates at FTL (faster than light) speed. She talks fast, thinks fast, catching her breath only long enough to muse "I need some coffee!" I feared coffee would overload her circuits. :-)

I spotted reudaly working a table with her artist friend. Teased her about whips and chains. She's just that type of gal.

Saturday night I hung out with artist Scott Webb and just another geek, Cindy Webb. Judi Davidson was there to watch as I guzzled four glasses of vodka and Sprite. At some point, we decided to crash the Bielacyzk brothers and somehow found myself at a Klingon drinking party. 

Sunday morning I have breakfast with Sherrilyn Kenyon. She's wearing this amazing get-up...all black and lace, with a crazy goose-hat. That night I had dinner with a bunch of Codex folks and my sweetheart of an editor Alethea Kontis. Steven Savile, Eric James Stone, Ed Schubert (new IGMS editor), and several other nice people had a wonderful dinner at The Steak & Ale.

I also saw eugie looking like a princess, as usual.

I chatted with porn stars. Signed an autograph for Stargate: Atlantis goddess Torri Higginson. Hung out with Rachel Luttrell for a while. Stared at Summer Glau. Had a beer with Kevin J. Anderson. Fan-boyed Peter Beagle. 

So...enough with the star-spotting...along with the good, there was the down-right weird, creepy, and bizarre going on at DragonCon. Here are some of the highlights.

1) I saw an old lady dressed as Wonder Woman. She smiled at me and I couldn't help but ask "Where's your teeth?"

2) Saw a man wearing a powder blue baby-tee and a man-diaper. As I walked off, I heard someone holler out "Oh, did baby poopie his diaper?" *shudder*

3) Friday night as I'm leaving the Hyatt, I'm trailed by a person in full Darth Vader outfit. Even has the cool breathing kit. Well, I turn one way, he/she turns the other. Yet, I hear the breathing. I go down a hallway, turn and rush on. I look back, hear the breath but not the Vader. The breathing follows me for at least five minutes until I get outside to the sidewalk. Freaky. How many people can say they've been stalked by Vader?

4) Nature called. I bump into Dean Haglund of X-Files fame. We nod and follow each other to the bathroom. I peed with Dean Haglund. No, I didn't peek.

5) Saturday night/Sunday morning, about 3am, I've had enough. I head back to the hotel. As I'm walking through a line-up of goths, a really drunk Scottish guy wearing a kilt is waving an electric guitar around the crowd like a maniac. The goths are upset. The Scottish guy is upset. I'm upset because I'm waiting on this choad. One of the goths call out "Hey man, we know it's the first time you've gotten drunken, but chill the fuck out." This pisses off the Scottish guy to the point that he trashed his guitar against the bricks like he's a member of Pearl Jam or something.

6) Same Scottish guy, he grabs a small, skittish (aren't they all) goth guy by the chest and yells to a cop "This little asshole needs more alcohol!"

7) Same Scottish guy asks officer if he's sick of watching a bunch of freaks dressed up as freaks. The cop says "I haven't shot no one have I?" Scottish guy says "No." Cop says "Get your ass moving, or that might change."

8) I'm in the Klingon room, chugging vodka and Sprite. This cute lady walks in carrying a high-powered leaf-blower. Okay, I have to know. I ask her, "Why the leaf-blower?" She tells me she's using it to blow up the men's kilts while she takes a photograph. Then she hands me a business card with her website. I like a lot of weird shit, but that's not one of them!

9) The next night, in a more sober state, I see this girl in action, tracking some poor kilt guy with her blower while she snaps photos. I have to admit, it was one of the funniest and most surreal things I've ever seen.

10) The French lady from the show Lost was mean to me. She wanted me to pay 20 bucks for her picture and autograph. I tell her I'll give her five bucks if she takes a photo with me using my camera. She runs me off!

11) Saturday night, a crowded elevator full of drunk people. Including me. The elevator stops. A short, skinny guy gets on the elevator and squeezes in. The alarm bell starts to go off. The little dude freaks out and screams "CHRIST ALMIGHTY, ENOUGH ALREADY! I ONLY WEIGH 40 GODDAMN POUNDS!" We all snicker, then someone in the back pipes up "Your ass is pressing against the alarm button, you fucking genius." More laughter. Ah, good times.

12) I visit the Frolicon table. They have a couple of promo cards for their convention. I tell them I don't want one, I want the promo-card that has a close-up of Eugie Foster's bosom. They look at *me* like I'm the pervert! Come on, folks. :)

13) Finally, this one isn't really con related. Sunday morning, 3am waiting for the elevator in my hotel, I had to stand next to an 50+ year-old man reeking of salve, making out with a girl that couldn't have been fourteen. Blegh.

Photos will follow later this week. Not of the old man and little girl. But of other fun stuff.